Thursday, November 8, 2007
I was struggling to figure out what to blog about today. I always write about happy things, but I finally decided that today I was supposed to write about what was tugging on my heart. Yesterday, Mike called me to let me know that a member had passed away. She was about my age, and left her husband with two small children to raise alone. Right after I talked to him, I watched the Memorial service for the 6 USC students who died in the fire in a Ocean Isle beach house. This morning I received an e-mail about a benefit in Illinois for a girl's children. She was married to a friend of mine, and she was raped and brutally murdered. The night before Thanksgiving will mark a year since my brother's unexpected death. This month will also mark a year since my first miscarriage. I have prayed to understand unexpected death. I am not scared of death because I know I have a place in heaven, but I don't understand unexpected death. As my niece said when her father passed away, "People say to me that it was just his time to go. I have a really hard time with that. Was it really his time to go?" Maybe in our grief we become selfish about our own pain and how it would be easier on us if we had the chance to say goodbye. I don't know. I just know that it brings so much hurt and sadness to people when they aren't expecting a loved one to die. I don't understand murder or tragedies like a house fire that kills 7 college students or a mother being taken from her small children or miscarrying when you want a child so badly. Really? Was it really their time to die? I also don't understand a mother having to lose a child before they pass on. It's just not the natural order of life. My heart hurts for my mother, and I know this Thanksgiving is going to be a rough one for our whole family. Life is so fragile and so precious. We often get so caught up in our busy lives that we forget to tell people that we love them. You truly never know how 1 second can change your life. I always tell my husband that I love him before he leaves for work, and I always tell him I love him when I kiss him goodnight. I want him to know if anything were to happen to either one of us during the day or while we sleep at night that he was loved by me. I try to tell my family that I love them everytime that I talk to them. Many times I tell my friends that I love them when I hang up the phone from a good conversation with them. I need to work on telling them more often. I first started thinking about this when I began working as a flight attendant. 9-11 really hit home too. I was supposed to fly that day. Instead, I watched the events unfold on television and called everyone in my address book to tell them that I loved them. You never know what can happen. I don't understand unexpected death, but I WILL try to let my friends and family know that I love them.