Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Struggling!!

I have read other blogs that talked about being transparent, so here goes. I feel guilty even talking about struggling considering it was just Easter weekend (Thank you Jesus for what you did for me), plus we have so many friends who are struggling for their lives, but please pray for me. I'm certainly not trying to diminish anyone's troubles, but I am really struggling with what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. The only thing that I've ever known that I wanted to do was to be a flight attendant. That door has closed, so I have been in pain since we made our decision for me to not return to flying about what I should now be doing with my life. I have been applying for other Delta jobs, but that doesn't look good now that they are trying to get 30,000 people off payroll. I have been on monster, career builder, looking in the paper, etc. but when you don't know what you're looking for it is difficult. I am envious of people who always knew what their career path would be. I was talking to my sister-in-law the other night, and I became really sad because she is doing what she wants and she is GREAT at it. Same way with his other sister and his mother. They followed their paths, and they have all been successful doing something that they enjoy. I am a true believer that a person should be doing something that they love. Maybe that is where I am making a mistake. There are tons of people who have careers that they hate. What kind of life is that, though? At one time, women were teachers, nurses or homemakers. Now there are so many options. Teaching and nursing... not for me. I have NEVER wanted to do either. I can't stand bratty kids, sassy pre-teens or know-it-all teenagers (I will cross those paths when I have a child of my own thankyouverymuch), and nursing?? Are you kidding me?? I almost pass out at the sight of blood. I do love being a homemaker, but our budget tells me that I HAVE to find a job. SOON. My hubs tells me that I am educated, good with people and so talented in so many different areas. Really?? I have a love for all things creative, and I feel that I'm a good salesperson. That's about it. I have sales experience, but no sales experience in the fields with job openings that pay decent salaries. Where does that leave me? Oh yeah, I DON'T KNOW!! I've never been one to regret my decisions in my life because I have always had the attitude that my life experiences are what make me the person that I am. Right now, though, I'm going through everything in my head about different career paths that I would have taken if I could go back in time. If I had done some things differently, I wouldn't be where I am right now. Add to that the fact that we are trying to start a family, and I'm not sure how I am going to feel if I get pregnant. I'm no spring chicken, plus I have some health problems so I forsee a tough and sickly pregnancy. Then if we get pregnant and have a baby, do I want to work long hours with travel considering I have a husband who works very long hours at least 6 days a week?? No. Through this long process of hoping for a baby will I ever want to leave the house again if I have a baby? No. You'll probably have to pry that baby out of my arms with a crowbar. Basically, I want a job that I can work out of my house. I am a hard worker who is willing to work long hours, but 9 to 5 is not my gig. Anyone have any ideas? Every other career decision that I've made in my life only affected me. It's not just me anymore, though. I used to tell Mike that having a child was going to change my life so much more than his. I don't think he ever really got it, but I feel quite sure that many of you moms out there know what I mean. Since the man is usually the breadwinner, a woman's career has to change or take a backseat. Not a bad thing, but just a fact of life especially when you live so far away from any kind of family to be able to help you. I am at an absolute loss. I pray to God everyday to show me my way in life. I'm trying to be patient, but PLEASE show me a sign. Anyone ever felt this way?? I feel certain that I'm not alone. At least, I hope that I'm not the only confused and lost woman in the world.

P.S. I have an interview for a sales position today. It doesn't seem like something that I would enjoy, but I am at least trying to get myself out there again. I haven't been on an interview in several years, so I guess this is good practice. Wish me luck!!




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8 comments:

Cheri said...

I totally hear you. All I wanted to do was be a stay at home mom and don't get me wrong- I wouldn't change the last 15 years. I was really getting antsy though the last year and when God put my current job of Real Estate Assistant it was such an answer to prayer. I would just tell you to keep praying and be open to what doors God opens for you. I hope you get your answer soon!

Darby Stickler said...

Leigh Anne,

My heart aches for you! I can't imagine what you are going through. I don't necessarily have any answers but I just want to encourage you to hang in there. It's always so neat to look back on the moments of our lives that are so tough and see how God orchestrates every minute of it. I hope one day soon you can look back on this and see how He is working through you for His glory! In the meantime, I hope that you can find great joy and honor in your roll as a "helper" for your husband. I know the word "helper" in our society is viewed as such a measley little chore but in God's eyes it's HUGE. My dear friend Abby, who has such a gift with words, recently wrote this post and it really touched me.
http://jeremiahabbyandpace.blogspot.com/2008/02/savoring-tranquility.html

If you get a chance you should read it. I really think it will encourage you! It really made me think of all the pressures the world puts on women to perform in careers and I don't know this young woman that Abby speaks of but I wish I did! ANyway, I'll be praying for you and that God will work in a mighty way in your heart, that you will find comfort where you are now, and that He will easily direct your steps to the next path!!!

Anonymous said...

I understand LA. I went to school to be a social worker, and now I'm in insurance. Who would have ever thought?
There are some days that I question myself. You are a very intelligent person, and I know in my heart you will find the perfect job for you.

Love,
Sara

Mari said...

I haven't gone through this personally, but my daughter had a terrible time (and she's still in collage. You are right about so many opportunities. I know God has a plan for you and he's getting you ready for it. I also know that waiting is so hard and you just wish God would give a shout out about what He wants for you. I give you such credit for being honest and open and I will pray for you - for a job you enjoy and a baby too!

THE TATTERED NEST said...

I was a antique dealer for many many years ...because of slow sales last year I decided to quit and take care of my great niece. It was like cutting off my arm! a very hard decision. I still don't know what I will end up doing when I grow up..but I am patiently waiting and leaving myself open to anything that comes. Hang in there Leigh Anne...it will come your way.

Jeffcoat House said...

I could write a book on this subject with all God has taken us through! This is a short answer to a very detailed question, but know this: It's amazing how often we allow the world to dictate what we should be doing when God puts us exactly where we should be with the passion and umph to do already what He want us doing. What would you do for free just becasue you love doing it? That is probably what road you should be starting down. Lots of love!

Dena said...

Hey sweet girl - Don't feel bad - i am blessed enough to see all the good things God has provided you - A GREAT, CUTE group of friends - An INCREDIBLE HUBBY - that gorgeous new house that took all of your time - those spoiled rotten dogs - and seriously did I mention that EVERYONE that has evah laid eyes on you has fallen madly in love with your heart and spirit?? God is good!

The Marcum Family said...

Hi, I came across your blog when I was looking up some scripture on a birds nest.... I want you to know that I said a prayer for you that you will find the perfect peace that God can give you reguarding your career.
I never post on people that I don't know, but you look like a good friend of mine, and I felt drawn to write.
My name is Annette, I am a pastor's wife, have 2 children, live in WV, could go on and on.....
Keep in touch, I'd love to hear from you.