Struggling!!

I have read other blogs that talked about being transparent, so here goes. I feel guilty even talking about struggling considering it was just Easter weekend (Thank you Jesus for what you did for me), plus we have so many friends who are struggling for their lives, but please pray for me. I'm certainly not trying to diminish anyone's troubles, but I am really struggling with what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. The only thing that I've ever known that I wanted to do was to be a flight attendant. That door has closed, so I have been in pain since we made our decision for me to not return to flying about what I should now be doing with my life. I have been applying for other Delta jobs, but that doesn't look good now that they are trying to get 30,000 people off payroll. I have been on monster, career builder, looking in the paper, etc. but when you don't know what you're looking for it is difficult. I am envious of people who always knew what their career path would be. I was talking to my sister-in-law the other night, and I became really sad because she is doing what she wants and she is GREAT at it. Same way with his other sister and his mother. They followed their paths, and they have all been successful doing something that they enjoy. I am a true believer that a person should be doing something that they love. Maybe that is where I am making a mistake. There are tons of people who have careers that they hate. What kind of life is that, though? At one time, women were teachers, nurses or homemakers. Now there are so many options. Teaching and nursing... not for me. I have NEVER wanted to do either. I can't stand bratty kids, sassy pre-teens or know-it-all teenagers (I will cross those paths when I have a child of my own thankyouverymuch), and nursing?? Are you kidding me?? I almost pass out at the sight of blood. I do love being a homemaker, but our budget tells me that I HAVE to find a job. SOON. My hubs tells me that I am educated, good with people and so talented in so many different areas. Really?? I have a love for all things creative, and I feel that I'm a good salesperson. That's about it. I have sales experience, but no sales experience in the fields with job openings that pay decent salaries. Where does that leave me? Oh yeah, I DON'T KNOW!! I've never been one to regret my decisions in my life because I have always had the attitude that my life experiences are what make me the person that I am. Right now, though, I'm going through everything in my head about different career paths that I would have taken if I could go back in time. If I had done some things differently, I wouldn't be where I am right now. Add to that the fact that we are trying to start a family, and I'm not sure how I am going to feel if I get pregnant. I'm no spring chicken, plus I have some health problems so I forsee a tough and sickly pregnancy. Then if we get pregnant and have a baby, do I want to work long hours with travel considering I have a husband who works very long hours at least 6 days a week?? No. Through this long process of hoping for a baby will I ever want to leave the house again if I have a baby? No. You'll probably have to pry that baby out of my arms with a crowbar. Basically, I want a job that I can work out of my house. I am a hard worker who is willing to work long hours, but 9 to 5 is not my gig. Anyone have any ideas? Every other career decision that I've made in my life only affected me. It's not just me anymore, though. I used to tell Mike that having a child was going to change my life so much more than his. I don't think he ever really got it, but I feel quite sure that many of you moms out there know what I mean. Since the man is usually the breadwinner, a woman's career has to change or take a backseat. Not a bad thing, but just a fact of life especially when you live so far away from any kind of family to be able to help you. I am at an absolute loss. I pray to God everyday to show me my way in life. I'm trying to be patient, but PLEASE show me a sign. Anyone ever felt this way?? I feel certain that I'm not alone. At least, I hope that I'm not the only confused and lost woman in the world.

P.S. I have an interview for a sales position today. It doesn't seem like something that I would enjoy, but I am at least trying to get myself out there again. I haven't been on an interview in several years, so I guess this is good practice. Wish me luck!!